The Wayward Home Podcast

37: On the Road Alone: What's Solo (and Queer) Van Life Like?

May 31, 2023 Kristin Hanes Episode 37
The Wayward Home Podcast
37: On the Road Alone: What's Solo (and Queer) Van Life Like?
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Ever dreamt of hitting the open road, leaving the daily grind behind, and embracing the freedom of van life? Join us as we chat with Kristin Holden, who's been living the solo van life dream for almost four years across the US, Canada, and Mexico. Kristin shares her inspiring journey into van life, the vehicle she calls home, and the ups and downs of being a solo traveler. As a queer woman, she also opens up about the unique challenges and safety measures she takes to ensure her adventures are both enjoyable and secure.

Listen in as Kristin and I reveal strategies for staying safe and preparing for solo van life. From using the iPhone's Find My Friends feature to employing Starlink and itags for location updates, we've got you covered with tips and advice that will help you embark on your own van life experience. We also discuss ways to make meaningful connections on the road, especially for those who identify as queer and might be new to the van life community. Don't miss this fascinating and inspiring conversation that's sure to ignite your wanderlust and leave you better prepared for your own journey.

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Speaker 1:

So giving up everything to live the van life can be a pretty scary endeavor. There's a learning curve associated with finding a place to sleep, cooking, getting used to a tiny space and just adjusting to full-time travel. Now imagine doing that alone. Sounds kind of scary, right, but more and more people are giving up the sticks and bricks to live in a van by themselves. One of those is Kristen Holden, who not only travels as a single woman, but a queer woman as well. In this episode of the Wayward Home podcast, we'll learn all about Kristen, why she travels alone and the safety precautions she takes on the road. Let's go. Welcome to the Wayward Home podcast. All about van life, boat life and nomadic living.

Speaker 2:

We'll bring you tips, interviews and stories from the road and on the water. Now here's your host, kristen Haynes.

Speaker 1:

Hey there, i'm Kristen Haynes with thewaywardhomecom and I spend half the year in my camper van and half on my sailboat, and I hope to help you achieve your nomadic living dreams. So on this episode of the Wayward Home podcast, we're talking all about solo van life and also solo queer van life, which has its extra set of risks and precautions. I first recorded this interview with Kristen Holden for the Van Life virtual summit which I threw with Project Van Life in February of 2023. So let's get into it. I'm really excited to be talking to Kristen Holden of Where the Road Forks and Van Life Pride. Kristen has been living solo on the road for almost four years now in the US, canada and Mexico. So, kristen, i'm so happy you're here and just start out by telling us how you got involved with Van Life to begin with.

Speaker 2:

Well, thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. Yeah, so I've been on the road for about four years and I kind of got into it because I wanted to travel in a backpacking way, like that was my love. I would go overseas and travel for like a month at a time and backpack. But I had two dogs and I always felt so guilty leaving them behind. So when this idea of Van Life kind of stumbled into my lap basically a friend knew someone. She went to high school with this sort of Van Life and sent me a photo and said, isn't this like kind of crazy? And I was like what I can never do, that That's so weird. And again I just couldn't get the idea out of my head and it snowballed and snowballed And I ended up selling everything, getting in a van, and now it's been four years. So I kind of look at my van as like my big backpack that I get to stuff. It used to be two dogs, but now down to one dog and they get to come along for the ride.

Speaker 1:

That's so cool. And so what kind of van did you pick? Has it been the same van for four years? Yeah, so.

Speaker 2:

I live in a Forge Transit at High Top. It's a 148-inch wheelbase. This is actually my second van. My first van was a medium roof and I didn't have like barely any storage So I upgraded to this one. Luckily, right before the COVID prices of vans increased All of the van prices because they all skyrocketed in price. So luckily I kind of got ahead of that curve with my second van. So I've been in this van for almost three years now.

Speaker 1:

Wow, and so did you build it out yourself, or was it already built out? How did that happen?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I noticed the first van was built out by somebody that was pretty local to Indianapolis, which is where I'm from. And then, after being on the road for a little less than a year, i met my friend Sam, who owns Just Roaming Designs and he was just starting his business And so I kind of got the like This is my first van build special. So he convinced me that it was time to sell my first van and buy this one, and his business started out with building my van. So I wish I was crafty enough to DIY, but I am not Very cool.

Speaker 1:

And I also would like to mention I met Sam last summer and I went to just roaming and I toured it and they have great parts. I have their subfloor in my van. So I just wanted people to know about just roaming. I'm glad you brought that up.

Speaker 2:

I do always let people know that I was like the first build because I love my van and it's beautiful, but there are some quirks to it that I feel like they have since worked out.

Speaker 1:

So have you been traveling alone this entire time? I?

Speaker 2:

have I mean, i care a van a lot with friends. I'm currently with my friend Maddie that we've been caravaning on and off for about almost a year now, not a year straight, but we take some breaks apart and then come back together, but anyways, yes, i have been living alone with my dog. Kashi used to have bear with me, but unfortunately he passed earlier this year or I guess last year, more in 2023 now, so yeah, Great.

Speaker 1:

And so what are some of the positives and negatives of living in a van alone?

Speaker 2:

I get to do whatever I want whenever I want, which is such a positive Kind of. I get all the storage space, which is great. So I think that's a huge pro to being alone. And I'm a little bit more of an introverted person. So I say I'm extroverted, introverted, i like to socialize, but I refuel my energy by being alone. So traveling solo also helps with that And I think that that's a comfort that you learn to gain. I didn't used to be comfortable being alone, but now I love it And yeah, so a con, i would say. Sometimes, safety it doesn't feel quite so safe being alone. Although, being a lesbian and being in a relationship with a woman, i don't always feel comfortable being with another woman, at least being affectionate with another woman and being out in public. I do feel safer, more so when I'm traveling with friends. So that's kind of the con to that That's interesting.

Speaker 1:

Are you afraid of like how people will react to that, or if you'll be in a weird situation with people that don't understand like that?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, i mean, in some areas I have a pride flag that hangs in my back window And sometimes I just kind of get the feeling that you're in an area that might not be so welcoming, where it's signs that you see or other flags that typically are against the LGBTQ community. So yeah, so sometimes it's just you just feel that presence of there's hate here and I need to be cautious. You get some stares from people, so just, even that's uncomfortable. I I would say I am still a newer gay person, as we like saying that the queer community, a baby gay. I came out in June of 2021.

Speaker 2:

So it hasn't been terribly long for me. So I actually haven't experienced too much traveling with someone else. I've actually had more moments where I've been traveling with a friend where I felt like, ooh, if I was with someone right now, i would not feel comfortable showing any affection towards them. So I've had a lot of those moments. But I mean, hopefully times are changing. But yeah, sometimes you just feel like like, especially like men are watching and kind of like objectifying you in a weird way. So yeah, sometimes it just feels icky.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so there's definitely some additional considerations to that you face, not only being a woman, but being a queer woman. There's another layer of you have to really watch your surroundings. And how do you like, how do you do that, like, how do you know when to exit a situation, or do you have any safety measures in your van, or anything you like, hints you can give people or tips.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, honestly, i trust my instinct so much. Something, especially if I'm alone, that I do is so if I'm camping alone I don't really like to leave stuff like outside of my van. I kind of pack up every night and that is annoying and it depends. It depends on where I'm at. Like I might be on BLM land where I see a ton of people around me and there's kind of that safety in numbers feeling. But I've also been in areas where I am the only person out here and it's a small little campsite down a road, an old logging road or something. And those are the moments where I pack up my van every single night because I wanna be ready to move if I need to. That's kind of like my rule of thumb and I trust that instinct on how that feels. And I also trust my dogs a lot.

Speaker 2:

There was one situation where my dogs did not. They were almost afraid of this guy. They came and hid in the van and I actually I wasn't a public setting and I actually went over to someone else who was parts close to me and I said, hey, like this person hasn't done anything, but I just don't really feel comfortable And when you kind of like, keep an eye on me as well. And it was a family and they were like, absolutely, if you wanna even part closer to us, come on over. So that's something that I would also kind of like give us a tip to feel a little safer out in those situations.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for sure. I feel like, even though I travel with my partner and we go boondocking all the time, and still my friends and family are like but do you feel safe boondocking? And I'm like I feel safer sometimes boondocking than in a city And I'm just wondering, as someone who's solo like, how do you feel about that?

Speaker 2:

I definitely feel safer boondocking than in cities, and I guess it depends on the city, but I just feel like there's more people So you just statistically have more chances of coming across somebody who is not, doesn't have good intentions being in a city just because there's more people there. But I do understand the fear of like being out in the middle of nowhere and not being able to have anybody hear you when you cry for help. Like I do understand that fear, i guess because I'm a numbers girl. Just statistically speaking, i'm like your chances are higher in a city. Also, in the city you encounter which is unfortunate and it depends on the city but you might encounter people who you know maybe have drug issues or something that you don't really see out on BLM land quite so much. So, again, like it depends on the city and it's very unfortunate. That's, you know, a thing to even consider.

Speaker 2:

But that is something you have to be mindful of, cause I have been in downtown Seattle in an area that I thought was really safe and felt good, and got knocks all night long all around my van By somebody who was clearly you know. I didn't call the police because I could tell she was not gonna do me any harm. She was called. She was actually like asking for a specific person in mind, so I could tell that she wasn't really in the state of mind where she was making conscious thoughts. I guess you could say So she was harmless. It was annoying, but I also didn't feel like the safest in that situation. So, anyways, i'm rambling now, but, yes, i feel much safer on BLN, land out in the middle of nowhere sometimes, than the city.

Speaker 1:

Totally, and I've noticed that myself as well, because we've had to stealth camp in cities and don't like it because there's the risk of break-ins. There's the risk. I mean we've been in downtown Portland where, like drug addicts are like hitting the van as they run by, and I just think that's a good thing for people to know that it does feel safe to boondock, even as a solo person.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so And just that. Those are things that you have to factor into stealth sleeping in the city as well.

Speaker 1:

Totally, And do you carry any certain communication devices or like a Garmin or anything when you're off grid? or you have a Starlink now so that helps?

Speaker 2:

I do have a Starlink now, which has tremendously given me so much sense of safety. That means, said, you still have to kind of have your Starlink outside of your van. So now I have this like $700 piece of equipment sitting right outside my van, which, like is anxiety in itself, but it feels so much safer to be not only just to be able to make a call, but one of the things that I do for safety is I have an iPhone, so I share my location with multiple van life friends and all of them, all of my family members. So the great thing about Starlink is that they can see my actual location instead of the last location I had when I had cell signal. So I would say that that's kind of my biggest use of safety tool to be able to keep in touch with the outside world or, yeah, the normal world.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so at least someone knows where you are. That's an interesting concept of using the iPhone find my friends feature. Does that only work when you have cell signal or a Wi-Fi signal? Do you know, or does it update with GPS?

Speaker 2:

I do not think it updates with GPS. I think you do have to only have or sell or Wi-Fi signal. So from from what I've experienced with it, I know that also. Another thing that people do is they use itags which can ping off of. So let's say you don't have a Starlink, right, If you have an itag in your phone, it will ping off of the nearest iPhone. So if someone else nearby is connected to a Starlink, it would ping off of theirs and send that location. So that could be a unique hack to kind of let people see your location, but it's not as confident as having your own Starlink or means to Wi-Fi out in the middle of nowhere.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, those are all such good ideas. I love that. I'm wondering, like when you first moved into the van, were there any adjustment periods to being alone all the time? all of a sudden, Oh my gosh, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I remember I was trying to figure out how to how to navigate the island land and and I had one friend that was like, oh, just go down the roads with the brown poles. And I was like, what does that mean? How do you know that you can just go down that road to find a campsite? And now that I've been on the road more, you know I've definitely feel more confident and just being like that road looks cool, i'm going to go down that one.

Speaker 2:

So I think it's just like this this time and I don't really think as much preparation as you can do watching the YouTube videos, downloading all the apps, buying the Starlink, like experiences, like really the only thing that's going to give you that comfort. So even when I like take off a few months, i always feel like a little bit of anxiety getting back on the road where I'm like, oh, i got to get, like get back on the bike, like you got to get used to it again. So it really just takes some time. And I mean I did do a lot of preparation and I actually did even spend some time with a friend in her van before getting into van life I know that's not a luxury like everyone can have, but it definitely helps being able to see it firsthand.

Speaker 1:

That's a really good idea, and that brings me to thinking that someone could maybe rent a van and go off alone for a couple of weeks.

Speaker 2:

Yeah Well, i always tell people if they're interested in van life something that you can do And if you don't have the money to go on outdoorsycom or whatever avenue to rent a because those van rentals can run like 100 to 100, 250 dollars a night Go get a U-Haul for 20 bucks a night, put a air mattress in it and go glamping. You know, really, put some string lights up and make it a fun experience and go do a little glamping thing. It's so much cheaper to do it that way. Anyways, but I think that it's really important just to see, like, can I do this? And another thing I recommend is if people, when they do make that decision and they buy a van, whether they're going to DIY or have it built out, i also recommend doing that as well And kind of feel out what kind of layout you think you will like.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I wonder if another way to look at layouts is to maybe go to like a van, meet up or show, or is that a vision? Yeah?

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, what is it? Tiny Fest? It's a great opportunity And they usually have three a year, i believe. Like San Diego, they do a Midwest one and I think they do one in Texas, maybe, maybe Arizona, but that is a great opportunity to see. Usually, i would say, there's 50 different rigs there and that's a great opportunity to see so many different type of van builds, talk to different people who are doing the life and get like so many different viewpoints. Honestly, and if that doesn't work out, go down to San Diego or somewhere else is a van life hub and just start talking to people. I would say van lifers do kind of like hate this a little bit. Ask, if you can see. Ask first, though Don't just walk in.

Speaker 1:

That's a great tip. We get that all the time as well, and you have to pick and choose who you want to look inside your house. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2:

Like it's kind of like a not again. But at the same time, i remember being in that position and how helpful it was. I mean I remember to this day being on the beach in Malibu in 2018 and this man came up in his van and I had flown in. I was on vacation, so I was renting like a cute little BMW, like convertible. And I went up to him and I was like you're living my dream life. And he looked at me and he said sell that and everything else. You have to be willing to give up everything to gain everything. And even though I didn't own that car, i mean the concept was the same and it completely changed my life. And he didn't even let me see inside his van, but just him giving me that advice changed my life.

Speaker 1:

Very cool. That's a great advice. Yeah, I feel like I have a lot of people that come to me and they're wondering like I'm alone, I'm a woman, I don't know how to start this, but they don't know how. How can someone like how can they even just start out planning their route and knowing where to stay, Like as a total newbie? what advice would you have for someone?

Speaker 2:

Okay. so as a total newbie, especially for women, something that I definitely recommend is the Harvest Host app or the platform, the membership. I think the thing that I love about that the most is just knowing that you have a super safe, like, more affordable option on the road. You don't have to pay for a campground If you feel comfortable with campgrounds, that's, and you have the finances to do so. I think that's also a great option. But the membership, i believe, is around $100 annually and you get access to all this. You can actually plan your route. They have on their website a little like plan your route and you can make those little stops along the way. Now, if you are brand new as well, something I highly recommend is plan your kind of start date near a van life meetup.

Speaker 2:

So when I first hit the road, i first my first night on the road was at a harvest host and then I think within a week I had made it from Indianapolis out to the Grand Teton for the my very first van life meetup And I made so many friends and I went and caravan the little bit like camped out with some people and it felt like I was able to like get my my footing into the van life community a little bit And then, like maybe, i think, three weeks later, went to another meetup.

Speaker 2:

So I know meetups aren't for everybody, but I definitely think that those are. those are such a good way to like meet people, get comfortable, pick people's brains, learn from others. And if you're nervous especially I understand, like with for queer folks that it is even more it can be more intimidating to go to van life meetups because there's another added layer there of am I going to fit in? And so that's why van life pride is really trying to this year create more of those like connection points for people to be able to meet up and try to find their, their people to get together with and travel with and make those those connections and friendships.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, what's your advice for a queer person You know in general to to do this and navigate these meetups or to find like-minded people?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, there's so many. So, first off, follow Vanlife Pride on Instagram because there's so many. Even if you just go into like the who's following Vanlife, you can just start seeing all the people there, And a lot of them are queer vanlifers. So, you know, that's an easy way to just start. We try to repost a lot of other people who are on the road so that visibility is there. So, really, just go through the feed and try to start connecting connect with people.

Speaker 2:

Something else that Vanlife Pride in 2023, a goal of ours is to create more small meetups. So I think we're really used to seeing these big, like weekend long events, but Vanlife Pride is gonna be really intentional about creating, like you know, like, hey, let's meet up for happy hour in this, you know, maybe in Seattle, and then, like that same month, we're also gonna have a little like beach day down in San Diego. So we're going to try to have people all around the country who are gonna create little intentional meetups. They won't be weekend long events, they may just be an hour long, but it's a way for queer folks to be able to get connected with others. So I really hope that Vanlife Pride can be that kind of touch point. I personally have made most of my friends just through reaching out to people on Instagram. It really is such a good resource.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, i wanted to ask you about that, if people really can make friends on the Instagram platform, and how do you go about like approaching someone, or I mean, how do you do?

Speaker 2:

that. Yeah, honestly, i think some of the ways that I have made most of my friends is I just start commenting a lot on their stuff and then they'll comment. And so it seems like we kind of established that relationship first, and then it goes into the DMs of like hey, are you near by? Like oh, we should meet up, type of thing. You definitely, i think, have to push yourself outside of that comfort zone in order to make those connections. I am somebody who does not like to reach out first. That's just I'm shy by nature, but I've forced myself to do that in some instances. Or if you're out of meetup and you really feel like you're connecting with somebody, don't be afraid to just say like hey, i think we should camp together after this. You know just, you kind of have to put yourself out there to make those connections, otherwise you just won't.

Speaker 1:

So true. And have you? how have you dealt with like feelings of loneliness as a solo person on the road?

Speaker 2:

So you know, what's so funny is I actually feel more lonely when I'm at home, visiting, than I do when I'm on the road, because I think when I'm on the road I have this like intentional solitude. It's there's this sense of learning how to fall in love with yourself when you're on the road, and if I do ever start to feel lonely, that's when I kind of like get on the socials And I know that I definitely have this privilege of by no means am I huge on Instagram, but I still am able to. At least people know I'm a real person. So if I reach out to them, they're probably like, oh, this is like a legit person. I'll respond First is I'm and I'm just it sucks, it is what it is. But if someone with maybe a hundred followers reaches out and maybe they only have three photos on their Instagram, i'm more inclined to think they're not a real person. So I'm more skeptical because you never know, you have to be careful nowadays. So I know that I have a lot of privilege in the ease of being able to reach out to people.

Speaker 2:

I'm sorry, i lost my train of thought. We're feeling lonely, like um feeling lonely. So, yeah, i feel like um, you again, you just kind of have to be intentional when you start to get in those fields. Another thing that I do if I'm starting to feel lonely but I also don't want to care about someone I'll just treat myself and go sit at a bar and get, get dinner or a drink or something and try and just even just socialize with the bartender. You know, um, you don't have to drink, but I think just going somewhere where you can socialize with someone, even if it's not, you know, going to go anywhere, i think that helps.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, like I said, i actually feel more lonely when I get home because I feel like my, my old life of being an Indianapolis, all of those connections are kind of gone. So when I'm on the road it's like, well, of course, everyone's not here, they're all spread out around the country. But when I'm home it's like everyone's here and no one's reaching out. So now I feel lonely. So it's kind of weird, it's kind of backwards for me. I feel way less lonely on the road.

Speaker 1:

That's fantastic to hear. I think that'll be comforting to a lot of people to realize Yeah, you can make friends and find people and caravan with people You're not like alone all the time, absolutely, yeah, fantastic, cool. Well, i think you've given so many good tips.

Speaker 2:

Is there anything else that we missed that you wanted to add for people, the only thing I guess I will definitely add again or emphasize is if you are a queer person, definitely get connected with Van Life Pride. Another good resource are my friends, jean and Shay. They have a great Facebook group that you can find Head to Jean and Shay at Instagram And their Facebook group should be maybe in their links I'm not 100% sure or just Google it through the Facebook app, but anywho, that is also a great resource. I've seen so many queer connections, friendships form through their Facebook group, just talking about where people are going to be. So find those Facebook groups. They're really, really helpful in making And they also have some just for women. So there's so little female van life that I'm a part of women's van life collective. So there's there's a lot of Facebook travel groups And I think that that is a great way to also make connections on the road. So hopefully that helps.

Speaker 1:

Very cool Such wonderful tips And, of course, people can find. You will put your links below. So yeah, thank you so much for showing up and participating.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, thank you for having me.

Speaker 1:

Hope you enjoyed this episode of the Wayward Home Podcast. If you know someone who would like this podcast, it would help me out a ton If you forwarded an episode you think they'd appreciate. Word of mouth is the main way I get new listeners. Once again, thanks so much for listening to this episode and I'll see you next time.

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